Realization as Teacher

I have discovered that what used to be my favorite thing to teach - reading - is the thing I now dread planning the most. This is, therefore, very distressing. I am passionate about books, reading, literacy. In the past it is something that I have very much enjoyed planning for & teaching. When children know that you're excited about something, that excitement begins to infuse their opinions. The school where I teach expects us to use a particular template to plan our literacy block. I don't do well with being told how to do something. In my opinion, if the end result is that children are reading & doing it well with passion, then what does it matter how they got to that spot? Similarly, if I'm doing my job well, what difference the process of getting to that end? It's just so frustrating to be forced into doing something. I'm in my 9th year of teaching, I've taught over 100 children how to read, I was hired because I'm excellent at what I do, not because I'm good at conforming.

Why do I still LOVE Him?

Been in love with a guy half my life but he does feel the same way. I try to date others but i simply can't...no matter how much i try. i cant even give my love away (met so many great guys)...n believe me i got real love to give. I simply hate what my heart is doin to me.....i need to live my life.

The way I suppose to do..."Let go"

Things change, people change, memories are the only things that won't change.....There are things in life that you can't hold on forever; no matter how much you fight for it...When you met someone you learned to love, you thought it was destiny who made your path cross..However, at the end of the day, you realised, that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn't really meant to stay; but only destined to make you fall in love and leave you when you have already fallen....You can't never own something that was never yours, so let's stop gripping on things we expect to last forever...Because in this world, nothing lasts forever....So, while you have something in your hand, put in mind that it's just borrowed...So that someday when it is gone,it wont take you eternity to just let it go.....There were times when i wish I was limited to certain emotions...So that i will never have to experience pain, never feel betrayed or disappointed and never get my fragile heart broken.....But isnt it a choice- to have a heart whole but numb or a heart that is broken but real?Isnt love is about giving our heart 100% to someone yet trusting them not to break our heart?Someday, we will be looking back at these days we learned to love, get hurt, cry and fight...Maybe when that time comes, we will be laughing at our old dumb selves; realizing how stupid we were to stand up for things we knew we'rent really meant for us....We will learn through mistakes...Life is what we make it..Love makes the world go round.....
Taken from a Video Blog done by other people on youtube....pretty much what I am feelin now. I cant wait for those days when i will say "I am glad that it is happened, no matter how much pain it has brought me cos i have loved deeply"...* I smiled because of love...I laughed because of love...I cried and hurt because of love...in fact, to love and be loved is the reason for me to live...To love someone is a risk, but i dont want to stop searching and loving..till i'll find my true love*

I am bored

Although I quit online gaming some time ago, that doesn't mean I don't want to post anymore. But now that I'm creating this entry, I'm beginning to face the exact same problem as before. I am bored, so I blog. But what to blog about? About the fact that I'm trying to change my life? Or the fact that I'm fed up with being bored. Or that I actually am quite happy sometimes. Or should I just write about the fact that I'm bored again. That's what I usually do. Now that I am typing, I really cba to go any further, cause I don't know what the hell to write about. I just want to go to sleep... and wake up friday. Cause then life starts again My weekends totally rock. I get to spend them with the one I love, and I never feel more alive than I do in the weekends. But during the week, I get bored. A lot. And I ask myself why. Why am I doing the things I am doing. Why do I only have the energy when he's around me. Why do I only feel good, when I'm talking to him. When I see him, when I feel him. It's like he completes me. But, when he leaves after the weekend, he takes a part of me with him. And there I am, left behind, and I'm thinking of him. But I know now, that I will see him again. That I can hold him again. I know now, that he loves me. And that, makes all of it worth while.

Healing a Broken Heart

When a relationship ends, most of us get fed the usual statements from our friends and family; “There are many fish in the sea”, “You’ll find a better one”, or “Time heals all wounds”. Familiar words, right? From personal experience, these words usually don’t do much to heal a broken heart, and usually sound empty to our ears. Here are some of my own recommendations for those with broken hearts;

1) Live in the present moment. Seems easy, but it isn’t. Most people keep rolling that romantic film in their heads, the one about the first kiss, or the great trip to Cuba that year with uncle John and aunt Jenny, or that supper that he cooked on Valentine’s Day, or… Those films in our heads are the weights that keep us from living the present. In the now time, the relationship has ended, for whatever reason, and it is time to start rolling a new film. A movie where you are the star, where you are meeting new people, doing new things, and becoming happier as each day passes.

2) See friends and family. This really helps to deal with the shock of losing that one special person whom you thought would be with you for all of eternity. Seeing friends and family will remind you that in fact, your world did not gravitate only around your ex, but gravitates around many other people that love and care for you very much. Perhaps here is a good time to remind the reader that you should never make one person the center of your world. Instead, make the people you love and the things you love to do the center.

3) Create new hang-outs. Instead of returning to that lake where you first kissed or that restaurant where you had delicious clams for your birthday, build a new repertoire of hang-outs. After a break-up, it’s your chance to re-invent your world, try new things, eat at new places, visit new countries. Don’t torture yourself by returning to those places that contain memories that bring you pain; go and draw yourself a new map.

4) Write a diary. It’s not just because I’m a writer that I say this; writing liberates the mind and allows us to see more clearly certain situations. When my ex left me, I wrote every day in my diary and eventually, months later, saw to what extent I had grown stronger, happier and even relieved that I was no longer with that man. A diary is like your personal psychologist, and it’s free!

5) Exercise. I advocate exercise to nearly everyone I know who has lived through a break-up because when you exercise, the blood circulates and toxins evacuate better. More than that though, when you exercise one hour a day, it is the equivalent of taking one anti-depressant pill a day. Exercise is free and it’s less damaging in the long run than pumping your system full of pills.
What are your suggestions as to how to heal a broken heart?

Preparing for 8th Grade, " Slope Continued" (02/04/08)

The debate is still on as to whether I can modify my students' test by writing in "slope" by "m" and "coefficient" by "b." My perspective is that, if my students understand what these two things are and can find them using tables, graphs, and equations, they should not be punished for not having had as much exposure to the letter form. It's my fault that they haven't seen "m" and "b" more often. If they can truly understand what "slope" and "y-intercept" are, and know how to find them in multiple settings, then I am not so worried about whether they know "m" and "b." We modify assignments, tests, and quizzes for so many kids, and this is just another type of modification.When considering this, I debated whether making the changes would affect the test results drastically enough that they wouldn't be comparable to the results for other students. I also spoke to an eighth-grade math teacher to hear that perspective. She pretty much agreed with me, and saw this book as a stepping-stone to her class next year.

MY PHILOSOPHY IN LIFE

These past few days, i was bombarded with weird and philosophical explanatory questions like, what is life, when is one considered human, is there such a place called elysium, do we need grades to ace schooling, and the question that is a regular resident in my brain– what is love?enough of love. it’s now time to think of what to do next. what’s next for me? just be a follower of a politician or be a politician myself? oh well, i would certainly prefer working backstage… of course, i should be acknowledged for every wise and highly phisophical thinking i do. philosophical, is synonymous to weird.Unlike most young professionals, i haven’t been thinking what’s next for me after college. i’m taking up graduate course that is disregarded by most people and branding my course as useless and would lead to the conclusion of being a teacher. i hate it when people think of my course this way… have those intelligent people of the republic think that without teachers, they wouldn’t have acquired the knowledge they have? hope they did. and so what if i would be a teacher, isn’t a teacher life exciting– i dont think that it’s exciting.Unlike most young professionals too, i’m not the athletic type. i love books, and books love me too. just last year, i took up table tennis as part of my motivation for my Physics class. i love the game, but the game doesn’t love me. shouldn’t it be a give and take relationship? and so, instead of loving sports, here i am– indulging myself on thousands of unedible paper, pondering nightly on what i have read. but, has anybody ever thought that without books, everybody would be brainless? what a weird question. i mean, don’t you think books are important than sports?Once again, unlike most youth, i do not like rock and r&b music. i am more in love with the classical(not too classic like judy garland), and pop music. but this doesn’t mean that i do not like rock, rap, punk, etc music. i am a collective when it comes to music… believe me(many can testify to this). but, it’s just that, i couldn’t find emotions in rock music. it leads people to illusionary visions in life. unlike pop and classical music, they show reality.Everyone has a personal choice, and it should be respected though it maybe contradictory to the universal norm. everyone makes choices, though it wouldn’t be in accordance to the natural law, no one is deprived from making such choices. God gave us the power to decide, and so we should use this power to make ourselves happy– i know this is what God wants. "No one can put you down without your permission."